Category Archives: Uncategorized

Diamonds: Real or Fake?

Embed from Getty Images

Diamonds are a girl’s best friend. Now there’s a piece of marketing that has stuck for a very long time!

Why do we value diamonds? What makes them so desirable?

If it was their molecular makeup then technically we should be satisfied with zirconium. After all we could get a much bigger, much clearer stone for a whole lot less money! But we don’t want zirconium. We want a diamond and we’re willing to settle for an imperfect diamond as long as it is the real thing.

Why?

Diamonds take a long time to form. They incorporate the imperfections of their raw materials into their form. They vary in colour and clarity. They are costly to mine, cut and polish. They are highly prized and considered precious despite the fact that they often contain imperfections.

Zirconium is made by human effort and takes a relatively short time. They are inexpensive to make and while they can have colour added to them they are often perfect, lacking flaws. Despite this we consider them cheap imitations and even an insult when someone tries to present them to us as the real thing. We don’t value them much despite their seeming perfection.

We understand that value does not come from perfection. Yes we are often drawn into competing with one another for the title of “best”. Women have been accused of comparing themselves to Pinterest ideals, striving to have the perfect career, home, children, marriage, making a Instragram worthy meal. Men are not off the hook either. They have been accused of competing for the most money, newest car/boat/bike, having the hottest ‘wife’.  Yet instinctively we realize that none of these outward appearances really matter.

Outward appearances are about as valuable as zirconium. They may be nice but they are not deeply satisfying.  But a marriage that has been fought for, worked for and even overcomes bumps, trouble and danger is more deeply prized than one that just appears to be perfect on the surface.  A career that took twists, turns and looked like it would never amount to much can be much richer, more meaningful and satisfying than an easy arrival in the corner office.

We value the journey. We understand the value of scars that are woven into and made part of the finished product. We prize overcoming obstacles over smooth sailing. We may not like it, but we prize it.  We know, whether we admit it or not, that things of great value are worthy of a great fight.

What are you fighting for? What scars do you bear? What parts of your life seem like glaring imperfections? Those very parts – the imperfections – are proof of authenticity. They reveal that your life is indeed a genuine diamond in the making.  The choice is yours. Will you allow that imperfection to make you a valuable diamond that is unquestionably genuine or will you allow that imperfection to be a fault, creating a breaking point, making the diamond too fragile to be used for display?

You see not all diamonds get set in beautiful pieces of jewelry. Some are used for industrial purposes because they are too weak to be cut into large enough pieces for admiration. Or their imperfections are too close to the surface to allow their beauty to ever shine through. Even so they are not discarded. They are used, they have a purpose, but they don’t ever live up to their potential.

When we don’t allow our wounds to be cleaned, they can not heal properly. When they can not heal properly they not only leave a scar they leave a weakness, a tender spot that limits our ability to use that injured part to its full potential. The hurts in our lives need to heal totally and completely to keep us from being held back in life. A scar may be visible, but a properly healed scar is a place of strength. Like a flaw in a diamond, it does not diminish your value. It reveals your authenticity.

The Master Jeweler understands the value of an authentic diamond. He knows how to cut and polish each one to reveal its true beauty and potential. He knows how to incorporate the scars so that they increase your brilliance and don’t detract from it. He also knows how to heal the wounds so that they leave strong scars. We don’t have to let Him heal the wounds in our lives but without healing the wounds will continue to hold us back.

It is far better to be a genuine diamond with flaws than a perfect and artificial zirconium. Will you allow yourself to be cut, polished and set in the perfect piece as a flawed but authentic diamond?

Advertisements

Finish the Race

 License     AttributionNoncommercialShare Alike Some rights reserved by Thiophene_Guy


License
AttributionNoncommercialShare Alike Some rights reserved by Thiophene_Guy

It wasn’t a beautiful finish. It wasn’t a record-breaker. It didn’t make the podium. Arguably though, it will be the most remembered and celebrated race of this Olympics.

Russian Cross-Country skier Anton Gafarov was not having the time of his life. He was not feeling very victorious on the course today. It seems that whatever could go wrong for him did. He fell, he was at the end of the pack by a mile and his ski was broken. But Anton, appearing to want to avoid the eyes of the crowd of witnesses was determined to finish his race. He just kept going. He got up and tried to ski with equipment that could no longer do the job he needed it to. He just kept going.

Imagine being in his boots. Probably humiliated. Probably tired. Probably discouraged, but determined. There were years and months and long days of training and preparation for this event. There were dreams and visions of what it would look like to compete and win at this Olympic Event in his own country. I promise you all the dreams, visions and hopes did not include falling, breaking a ski and finishing last by a mile. This was not what he had dreamed of.

Anton is a trained athlete and he did not stomp off the course feeling sorry for himself. No one would blame him if he had. Even the announcers on TV suggested he may be better off giving up his race or at least removing his equipment and walking across the finish line. But Anton was not in a walking race. He was skiing and he was determined to ski to the finish.

It was at the very moment when he least felt like a champion. The very moment when his emotions and thoughts must have been jumbled that the most unexpected help arrived. A coach from Team Canada stepped into the course and brought him a ski. He assisted Anton in removing the broken ski and replacing it with a new one, a whole one. one that could hold his weight and do the job. It took less than a minute, but in that short moment Justin Wadsworth restored hope, dignity, pride and courage to a competitor. He removed an obstacle and restored Anton’s ability to complete his race. On two skis. As a skier. (Watch here)

We can relate to Anton. We too have fallen, gotten discouraged, lost equipment we needed to rely on. We too have felt the sting of broken dreams, crushed hopes and humiliating outcomes. We have been tempted to take our skis off and walk off the course. We have felt the sting of lonely tears when we felt all alone, left behind watching our dreams disappear.

For some of us it was more than we could take and we are sitting on the side of the track wondering what could have gone so wrong. We feel hopeless, embarrassed, too ashamed to keep going. We are discouraged.

What difference would a Justin Wadsworth make in our lives? What would happen if someone came alongside us and whispered an encouragement? Shared something that helped us get up again? What if someone just gave us the tools that we so desperately needed, but couldn’t get for ourselves? What if someone came alongside without judgement, took a few seconds to help us remove what was broken and replace it with what was whole? What if they breathed enough life into us for us to finish our race?

Anton didn’t need a coaching session. He didn’t need a new sponsor. He didn’t need a new plan, a new strategy or new systems. Anton probably had a lot of equipment back at the base, and he wasn’t lazy or unprepared. He just had the unexpected happen to him and at that moment all he needed was a little help.

We all have a race to run. Not all of us will run a race that makes the podium of life. We won’t all be lauded by the masses, celebrated as national heroes or given accolades. Still we all have a race to complete. That race may not be glorious and record-shattering, but it is being watched by so many who need us to finish. Their courage depends on our persistence. Their ability to start their race depends on us completing ours. They need us to just run the race set before us so they can run the race set before them.

We can’t all end on the podium, but we can all be a Justin Wadsworth. We can all come alongside someone who is discouraged, hurting and ashamed and help them change their broken ski. It doesn’t have to be a life-long commitment. We don’t have to be their coach. We don’t even have to be on the same team, but we can make all the difference in their world.

So many have prepared all they could, trained and practiced. They have coaches, and equipment. They’re not lazy, unskilled or uninitiated. They just got blindsided by the unexpected in the middle of their race and they can’t get back to their base right now. They can’t reach their support team and their replacement equipment is too far away to help right now. They just need a Justin Wadsworth, in the right place, at the right time able and willing to help because they are there.

So let me ask you, are you able to help someone finish their race? Are you willing? You don’t have to commit to anything long-term. You don’t have to leave your race or jeopardize your finish. You don’t have to create a plan, a system, or prepare a policy. All you have to do is be ready and willing to step in, provide a life-line and help someone else finish their race.  Will you?

Are You Limiting Your Legacy?

     Attribution Some rights reserved by mikebaird

Photo Credit

Ladies, let’s be honest. If you walk into a room full of women what are most of us eventually going to be talking about? The latest book we read on leadership principles? The newest scientific discovery? Economic principles? Political developments? No? How about proposals for community improvement? Educational theories? No? Well, maybe we are discussing truths from our recent Bible study? Discoveries of life principles? Or maybe about how we are planning to make a difference this week in the life of the family down the street?

No. We are most likely going to be discussing our latest diet, exercise and food restriction programs. We are most likely discussing our body image and our desire to lose some weight, get slimmer and fit into some arbitrary size that we feel will make us more acceptable to others. I know, this is a gross generalization, but even so it is not too far off the mark.

I’ve recently gotten to meet lots of women in various settings, of various ages and various educational levels. By no means has this been a homogenous group. Yet the common thread with each group was how quickly the conversation turned to weight loss, food restriction and a desire to be smaller.

I get it. There is a lot of pressure on us as women to meet an ideal and it’s hard not to get sucked in, even in the name of getting healthy. There are so many experts out there spouting off what is considered to be the most current understanding of healthy eating and weight. The cultural ideal of beauty assaults us in the grocery store, the gym, the doctor’s office, even the library. The pressure is everywhere and the reminders are constant.

As women we turn to each other for reassurance and support in this rough environment. By discussing our latest struggle, making self-deprecating comments about our ‘extra’ weight we disarm our critics before they can fire disapproval at us and we become part of the tribe. It’s not easy being a woman in a youth-obsessed, skinnier-is-better minded world.

“I so want to have a cupcake right now, but I’m over my calorie limit already today!”
“I have to get my workout in today because I had a slice of bread with my salad at lunch today.”
“I’m not buying any new clothes until I lose this extra weight and get back into size X clothes.”

I have been guilty of these comments, these conversations. I too have tried to be part of the tribe, to fit in (pun intended). I’ve apologized for my size, for eating when I was hungry. I’ve made excuses for having a slice of cake lovingly prepared for a celebration of a loved one’s life. I’ve been there. That’s why my heart aches.

Girls, is that all we are? Is this the legacy we want to leave our daughters? Our very actions tell our precious girls that despite all the dreams, hopes and imaginations within them, all they can truly look forward to is becoming experts on weight loss, calorie counting and food restriction. Whether we realize it or not, this is what our actions and girl-friend conversations tell our daughters!

Are we unknowingly restricting not food, but our potential to leave a mark on this world? Are we limiting our legacies? Short changing our potential by focusing so much time, energy and emotion on controlling our food intake?  Are we letting food control our lives?

For the vast majority of us, food is not something we worry about having enough of. No, in fact we worry instead about eating too much. We are not in fear of starving, but we are starving ourselves in fear of eating more than we deserve. I believe that Jesus addressed this very issue in Luke 12:23 when He said, “For life is more than food…” In the middle of teaching about greed, eternal life, spiritual choices, hoarding, generosity and trust Jesus tells His disciples not to be anxious or troubled about their lives, what they will eat (or wear). Jesus states that life is more than food (and clothes). In the Aramaic-English New Testament this passage is translated as the soul is greater than food.  The soul, that part that is our personality, our uniqueness, our identity. Jesus says that part of us is more important than the food we eat.

Who we are. Who we were created to be. All the potential placed within us has far more value than the ability to control our food intake. Our ability to plan, dream, create, design and implement was intended for far more than managing a food and exercise plan. We were meant to have an impact on this world.

Women are capable of wrestling with matters of greater consequence. We can tackle matters of great spiritual, intellectual, artistic, social and moral importance. We are capable of contributing far more to our homes, churches, work places and communities than just the latest weight loss plan. We are more than a number on a scale. More than a size on our clothing tags!

What could our friendships be like if we encouraged each other to develop and grow our  souls? What if we spent more mental and emotional energy on making a difference in our relationships? Our communities? Our children’s school? What if we were as determined and focused on developing interpersonal skills? Spiritual development? Work expertise?  How could we impact that world if we spent as much time becoming active students of the Bible as we do on implementing the latest weight-loss craze? Imagine how we could impact the world if the focus of our souls was on almost any other thing rather than restricting our food?

This is not meant to be a guilt-inducing lecture lovely. No, I do not want to replace the legalism of weight-loss and food restriction with a different set of rules about the time you spend reading your Bible, or the number of seminars you attend, hours you volunteer or any other program. No my lovely it’s quite the opposite! I would love to see us break free from the gravitational pull our size- and food-obsessed society has created and truly be free to live in the fulness and joy we were meant to have.

When Jesus said that He came to give us a full life (John 10:10) I don’t see an asterisk that says, “Except for women. You women will have to forever contend with watching your weight and restricting your food.” It does NOT say that because Jesus never intended for us to live like that!

Yes we are to develop self-discipline. Yes, we need to take good care of our bodies. Yes gluttony is a sin and yes it can cut our lives short. But so can obsessing over our weight and restricting the food we need to stay healthy and strong. The amount of obsessing, restricting and talking about our food we do says, “God, I just can’t trust You to meet my needs. I’m afraid if I don’t worry about it, You may forget me.”

The One who knew you before you were conceived can not forget you!

Lovely, please listen to my heart. I so hope for your sake that you can move beyond letting your food and your weight determine your legacy. I pray you’ll give up the need to always be on top of every morsel that crosses your lips and instead you’ll learn to eat with gratitude. Eat to fuel your body so that you have the energy to live in the fullness of your purpose and passions. Let go of your need to hit a magic number on the scale or on the clothing tag and instead explore your calling!

I pray you’ll discover the depths of the legacy you are called to leave as you develop and grow in fullness in every part of your being. I pray you catch a vision of what is possible and the difference you can make in this world. I pray as you explore the fulness of the life God has in store for you other women will rise up and join you and find the same freedom!

May our conversations become life-giving, purpose-affirming, joy-multiplying, legacy-creating, sources of encouragement. May we become women of wisdom, courage, strength and beauty. May we be examples of health, peace, unity and passion. May we live on purpose!

Finding my Groove

Photo by:  tdreyer1What’s the difference between a groove and a rut? Finding your groove is good, being stuck in a rut is bad. They’re both well worn indentations aren’t they? Both restrict you to a specific track. Both define where you are and, more importantly, where you’re not.

Maybe it’s perspective? When we say we’re stuck in a rut we imply that it’s a negative experience. We are doing something so mundane, boring, or undesired that we feel like we are stuck. When we say we’ve found our groove we seem to imply that we have found a way of doing, being and working that leaves us satisfied and fulfilled. Yet the groove we find by nature restricts us from doing things in other ways and in other places. Hmmmm.

These random thoughts come as a result of feeling like I have finally found my groove with homeschooling, keeping my home, working, writing, teaching and speaking. Well at least so far anyway. This past week or so I feel like I have accomplished a lot and knocked off large chunks off my to-do list. I realized that happened because I finally found a routine that works! And a routine, by nature, is a rut (or groove if you prefer). It’s a way of doing things that is predictable. It enables me to get the work done quickly and efficiently. I don’t waste time thinking about what should be done first. It’s just part of the routine.

So you could say my rut has made it easier for me to enjoy my life because it eliminates wasted time, provides predictability to the mundane and necessary, and creates space for me to do all the other things that make life meaningful. Perhaps my rut, er groove is not something that should have been avoided after all.

Marketing to Introverts

I’m an introvert. I like it that way.

For as long as I can remember I have been accused of being cold, stand-offish, unfriendly, unsocial. It used to bother me. It doesn’t anymore. I like who I am. I know I’m none of those things, I just don’t like big groups and loud crowds. I don’t need to socialize every day (being with people drains me), I quite like my own company. I do have a number of good friends with whom I enjoy spending time and having deep conversations. I just don’t need to be with them all the time and I need considerable alone time to restore my batteries in order to be around others again.

The other day I encountered some advertising that was obviously aimed at the extrovert’s need to be surrounded by people and involved in social activity. I reacted quite strongly and commented to my husband that obviously the marketing attempt failed because I wanted to do the exact opposite of what the advertisers were trying to make me do. I wanted to run far, far away from them and their product. Obviously marketers didn’t realize that introverts don’t need to ‘fit in’. And yes, I realize that the world is designed for extraverts so alienating a few introverts won’t really hurt the bottom line.

That moment got me thinking. Introverts don’t want to be part of the crowd. They don’t want to be just like everyone else and they don’t feel the need to have exactly the same things as everyone else has. We don’t want to be part of the group. The group is noisy, loud and way too close to each others personal space. Ewwww.

How many products have been written off by introverts? How many have refused to try or simply developed a negative association to certain products because they were marketed to extroverts in an overtly extrovert way?

Introverts, if you can summon up the energy to engage, are there any products you find yourself avoiding simply by association to the loud and extraverted advertising campaigns? If you could design an advertising campaign that truly appealed to you what would it be like? Would it highlight features? Would it give you facts? I’d love to know.

There’s Always One

– 1

There’s always one. One unhappy customer. One complaint. One negative comment. One who doesn’t agree with you. One bad day. One bad moment. One.

Even when the rest of the crowd is enthusiastic, complimentary, in agreement, there is one who is unsatisfied, disagrees and is disappointed. Human nature, it seems, is to focus on the one. Cling to the one negative in a sea of positives. Gauge our performance by one who does not share our view.

The entire room can tell you that you look amazing, but one will say something less than positive and your entire opinion of your appearance is defined by that one.

The audience congratulates you on your presentation. Many comment on how they were touched by your words. Some even tell you how you made them think and maybe even convinced them to see it from a different perspective. But there is one who disagrees with you and tells you. Your impression of the evening is set by that one.

Vaguely in the back of my mind a statistic floats about that it takes 10 positive comments to counteract one negative, to set us back at zero. Experience tells me that ratio is too low.

I admit I am surprised by my reaction to one. One who doesn’t even have a vested interest in what I do and why I do it. One who does not have a significant part to play in my life. Their comment does not want to leave my mind. Of all the positive feedback I received that one comment is all I can replay. Negative one.

I determine to redouble my effort to pour positive comments into the lives of my kids. Not empty and hollow quips, but meaningful positives. I determine to catch them doing the right thing and making a big deal out of it. I determine to compliment their efforts, attempts and wins. I want to inoculate them to the power of negative one. Not because I want them to have a swelled head or unrealistic views of themselves, but because I realize that negative one is capable of distorting their view in the opposite direction much more effectively.

Negative one. You may seem powerful. You may shake me but you won’t move me. You don’t deserve center stage. You don’t deserve to determine how I view the world or myself. Your control ends here.

Following Your Dreams

There is something amazing that begins to happen when you overcome fear and begin to follow your dreams. Things that seemed impossible before become possible. Things you never thought you’d witness begin to happen to you.

For decades I’ve dreamed of writing and speaking. I have allowed myself to be held back believing I was too young, didn’t have enough to say, was too unknown, too…. you name it I created a reason for why I wasn’t pursuing my dream. I even told myself I was being humble and waiting for someone to tap me on the shoulder to tell me it was my turn.

Crazy. The things we use to mask our fears of being rejected, of failing and of losing our dreams are really just excuses. After all it’s far less painful to dream for the future than to try only to have our dreams rejected.

Thanks to a great friend I’ve been encouraged to pursue my dreams. Really, intentionally, purposefully pursue them. When I took steps towards my dreams my dreams took giant leaps toward me. Things I never would have imagined happening to ME are falling into my lap.

I can’t promise you that when you take the first step your dreams will rush at you too, but I can promise you that until you move toward your dreams they will not be any closer than they are right now, so why not take a step? You may be surprised by the outcome.